When I joined my first online dating site 4 years ago I expected it would be something like the commercials on TV. They would send me matches of nice guys who were looking for the same thing as me. Boy was I wrong.
I have met some great guys online and made some wonderful friends. But in order to get to those guys I had to weed my way through emails from guys like “toysoflove69”, “Themilkman”, and “hardride”. More than half of the emails I receive from my “matches” are looking for one or two night flings. Get past these guys and weed through the rest and maybe at the end of the month I will have one man I would be willing to meet in person.
It amazes me the number of guys who use bad pick up lines or try to jump right from the website to the bedroom. One such introductory email I received said, “Take me for a test drive, ride me like you stole me. What have you got to lose?”
At times I have been tempted to reply to these men and ask if this really works? Are they really getting dates? Or more likely just getting laid by women with low self esteem.
Even if a man makes it past the first email it doesn’t mean he will make it much further.
I once replied to a man that at almost two hours he lived too far away. I thanked him for his email but politely declined to pursue anything further with him. His reply was “You stupid b^%#h two hours isn’t that far I don’t know what your problem is”. I have to wonder if he thought that would change my mind or he just doesn’t handle rejection well. Either way, clearly not a man that would have made me happy.
I think my favorite “match” was from the man who in his introductory email admitted to being 40, living in his mothers basement and was a cashier at fast food chain. In his profile picture he was wearing a Bevis and Butthead t-shirt. He also admitted (right there in his profile) that he was looking for a girlfriend because his mother was kicking him out of the basement. As a college educated women I find myself wondering how did anyone ever see him as my “match”?
Honesty is very important in any relationship. But sometimes when trying to get to know someone online there is such a thing too much information. I don’t need to know everything about your ex before I know anything about you. I also don’t want to hear about your terrible job, troubled finances, why you don’t see your kids because or your criminal record. A lot of these men need a therapist not a girlfriend.
Yet again too much honesty early is sometimes a good thing. Three or four emails into a “match” I don’t think I am ready to know you are a cross dresser, are really married, have a protective order against you or that you are looking for a dominatrix. These were all instant deal breakers for me.
In future articles I plan to share my many dating experiences, some good, some bad and some almost unbelievable. Also thanks to the many good friends I have made dating online I will also share the mans perspective.
When I left my husband a good friend told me, “there is no way you will be single long.” I believed her. Not that four years is a long time in the big picture but I never expected four years of dating would lead to the stories I am planning to share. At this point in the dating game I am keeping my profiles up more for the entertainment than the possibility of meeting Mr. Right. I still believe he is out there and until I meet him I am going to enjoy the humor of dating online.
write by victor young
